New Thing #29 - Il Passaporto

That's Italian for Passport. So this week I decided to get motivated and apply for a passport. I've been thinking about doing this for awhile, but I've never really gotten around to doing it. I mean really, where would I use it? I just flew on an airplane for the first time 4 years ago (without jumping out), so it's not like I'm a big international traveler. But, you never know when an obscure European prince might want to whisk you away on his private jet. I need to be ready for these things. (Actually, I got it so it would motivate me to save money and look into traveling to Italy in the next two years, like I've been wanting to do most of my life.)

For those of you who've never applied for a passport, it's relatively easy if you have all your ducks in a row. There's just a simple form to fill out, photos to be taken, proper ID and proof that you were born in the US. Simple enough. Well, except for the photo part, but I'll get to that in a minute. The form is found online and you can just type your info into it and print out the copy to be turned in. This is handy in case you write like a doctor. Just be warned that the website will tell you over and over again that you can't save the damn form to your computer to print later. You have to print right away! I get it folks: type, print, exit. If you can't fill out a simple two page form with all your vital information without having to stop and come back to it, you have problems. I knew everything except my parent's cities of birth, so I was doing okay.

Okay, so one thing down. The form was easy. I have my birth certificate that my mom transferred to me a few years ago, so check that one off. And I've been the recipient of a legal driver's license for, oh, nearly 14 years now, so that was no problem. Next, came the photos. The government is pretty particular about the size of the photos and the size of your face within the photos, so I decided to just let the "professionals" take care of it, rather than trying to photograph myself. It's only around $10 for the two photos needed. I opted to head to Walgreen's last night, thinking they could do them rather quickly, and I could shop at Kohl's right next door in the meantime. I do love me some Kohl's shopping. Anyways, back to the photo.

The guy working the photo counter at Walgreen's looked to be about as old as my latest pair of tennis shoes and didn't really look like he talked to girls...um, ever. When I asked him if they did passport photos, he got a wild look in his eyes like he was just asked if he killed squirrels for fun. "Uh, sure"...long pause. So, I had to ask him if he could do one for me. "Yeah." He started to get all nervous sweaty and went to grab the digital camera out of the drawer. I should have smelled his fear at this point, but I was in a hurry to get it done. He went to the wall-o-batteries and pulled down this decrepit-looking white shade for me to stand in front of. I lined up, smiled and he said he was going to take two photos on the count of 3. At least he can count to 3, that's a good start. He took the photos and said it would be around 15-20 minutes to print them, so I left to get a bit of shopping done. It didn't even cross my mind to ask to see the photos. That would be Mistake #2. Mistake #1 was staying at the Walgreen's after seeing Shady McShifts-a-lot behind the counter.

When I returned a little while later, his response at seeing me was "You're back?" Well, yes, that's usually what happens when you need to pick up your photos genius. So, I paid and headed out to my car as quickly as I could. It was only 1 degree outside, so I didn't feel like dawdling, plus I was in a hurry. I should have looked at the photos inside though. I briefly glanced at them in the packaging outside in the dark and didn't think much about them. When I got home, I was horrified. The picture was TERRIBLE! Not only did I look like I had reddish-orange hair, but my skin looked like I had been on the losing end of a battle with self-tanner and the look in my eyes kind of looked like I was being weened off of meth or something. Damn fluorescent lighting. When I called to ask if I could get a redo, I was told by someone else I could get them retaken for a price, but I couldn't get my money back. Screw that, I'll go somewhere else.


Avert your eyes, avert your eyes!!!

So, today, I headed to the post office, because you can also get your photos done there. The PO I went to didn't have the option, but since they're in a mall and right next to a Wolf Camera store, they usually use them as the official photographers. The lady in Wolf Camera was very nice and couldn't stop laughing when I showed her how bad the originals were. She couldn't believe those were the photos they gave me to use. They didn't even look like me! She took me into a better lighted area with a nicer pull-down shade. She even offered to show me the photos before I even had a chance to ask her. Wow, it was like night and day! This new photo even looked like me, well, minus the big shine spot on my forehead. Score!! I told her how much I appreciated it and I was in and out of there in under 15 minutes.


The new, usable, photo. Look how normal my skin looks!!

I headed back over to the Post Office and the rest was painless. My form was perfect, and they added the new photos and my birth certificate to it. I was a bit hesitant to give up my birth certificate since it has to go with the application. It's returned to me with the passport, but still, I don't like to let that leave my posession. Finally, I had to pay the fee and eveything was done. I was talking with the lady processing my form about the photo debacle and she asked to see the originals. She got a good laugh out of it as well as the other employee. I'm glad I was able to make their day.

So, in a few weeks, I will officially have my passport and when Prince Tall-Dark-and-Handsome comes a-knocking, there won't be anything stopping me from heading to the Bahamas for a little vacation. :)